If I Had A Bookstore I Would

A Lot Of People Like Lollipops. I Don't Like Lollipops. To Me, A Lollipop Is Hard Candy Plus Garbage. I Don't Need A Handle. Just Give Me The Candy.

It Is A Little Ironic That One Thing A Babysitter Should Not Do Is Sit On A Baby.

I Wish I Lived Next To Carnegie Hall. Then, If Someone Asked Me How To Get To My House, I Would Just Say 'practice, Practice, Practice, And Then Take A Left.'

To Make Even Fewer Friends Try Talking About Politics As Much As You Talk About Yourself.

When Someone Shows You A Picture Of Their Kids What They Don't Want To Hear Is Oh, Yeah, I Got Pictures Of Your Kid Too.