I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21

There Are Only Two Real Ways To Get Ahead Today - Sell Liquor Or Drink It.

Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She'll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.

My Illness Is Due To My Doctor's Insistence That I Drink Milk, A Whitish Fluid They Force Down Helpless Babies.

I Personally Stay Away From Natural Foods. At My Age I Need All The Preservatives I Can Get.

I've Been Drunk Only Once In My Life. But That Lasted For Twenty-three Years.