I'd Rather Entertain People Than Offend Them.

I Look For Women I Know Are Gonna Bust Me Up Good. Come On, Man, Who Can Resist That? Who Can Resist That Emotional Pain? Yeah, They All Have The Same Line, They're So Sweet: I'm Not Gonna Hurt You Like All The Others. Really I'm Not. I'm Gonna Introduce You To A Whole New Level Of Pain!

If I Get Married Again, I Want A Guy There With A Drum To Do Rimshots During The Vows.

What Happened? Satan Was Busy?

So Many People Counted On Me To Be The Party, I Had To Move Far Enough Away That They Wouldn't Want To Drive There.

I Got Divorced, Which Was Not A Good Thing For A Revivalist Minister. It Did Not Go Down Well. I'd Already Been Banned From A Couple Churches For My Jokes. So One Day I Woke Up And Decided It Was Time To Start Living For Myself.