I Was Sleeping The Other Night, Alone,

I Was In A Bar The Other Night, Hopping From Barstool To Barstool, Trying To Get Lucky, But There Wasn't Any Gum Under Any Of Them.

A Mormon Told Me That They Don't Drink Coffee. I Said, "a Cup Of Coffee Every Day Gives You Wonderful Benefits." He Said, "like What?" I Said, "well, It Keeps You From Being Mormon ..."

Back In High School, My Buddies Tried To Put The Make On Anything That Moved. I Told Them, Why Limit Yourselves?

The Only Work I Ever Turned Down Was A Cable Programme Called Diving For Excrement.

I Was Walking Down The Street. Something Caught My Eye, And Dragged It Fifteen Feet.