I Was The Kid Next Door's Imaginary

He Taught Me Never To Smile, Which Helps Me When I Visit Disaster Sites.

My First Job As A Kid Was Going From Door To Door Selling Christmas Cards, To Raise Money For My Grandmother's Hip Replacement. Because, You Know... You Break It, You Buy It.

All The Nations Of The Earth Must Learn To Live Together In Peace. Why Be Prejudiced Against Anyone Because Of Their Race, Nationality, Or Creed? When There's So Many Real Reasons To Hate Others.

I'm Not As Good A Swimmer As I Used To Be - Thanks To Evolution.

Everyone, Everywhere, And All The Time, Used To Laugh At Me When I Was Growing Up. So, When I Was Around 18, I Thought, 'i'll Become A Comedian, And Then If Everyone Laughs At Me, I'll Be Famous.' So I Went On Stage One Night And, For The First Time In My Life, Everyone Stopped Laughing At Me.