Not Everybody Hates Me. Only The People

My Sister Gained 80 Pounds Expecting Her Baby. Well, You Get Nervous, Waiting For Those Adoption Papers To Clear.

I Got In A Fight One Time With A Really Big Guy, And He Said, "i'm Going To Mop The Floor With Your Face." I Said, "you'll Be Sorry." He Said, "oh, Yeah? Why?" I Said, "well, How Are You Going To Get Into The Corners?"

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.

The Way I Understand It, The Russians Are Sort Of A Combination Of Evil And Incompetence... Sort Of Like The Post Office With Tanks.

I Got Some New Underwear The Other Day. Well, New To Me.