I Go From Stool To Stool In

You Don't Appreciate A Lot Of Stuff In School Until You Get Older. Little Things Like Being Spanked Every Day By A Middle-aged Woman: Stuff You Pay Good Money For In Later Life.

I Ran Five Miles Today. Then, Finally, I Said, 'here, Lady...take Your Purse.'

I Thought I Was Raptured Up Into The Air Today; Turns Out, It Was Just My Gas Oven Exploding.

They Have A Sign At The Beach, "no Glass Bottles". I Think That's So The Other Sand Particles Don't Feel Like Underachievers.

I Read That Nine Out Of 10 Women Fantasize About Having An Unknown Man Leap Through Their Bedroom Window At Night And Make Mad, Passionate Love To Them. Who Would Think With Those Odds, I Would Now Be Facing 150 Hours Of Community Service.