I Wanted To Become Me, Totally Me.

The Reason I'm Not An Alcoholic Is I Don't Like To Drink In Front Of The Kids . . . And When You're Away From Them, Who Needs It?.

Everybody Knows How Lazy He Is. One Day The Neighbors Saw Fang Mow The Lawn And I Got Three Get Well Cards.

Oh, That Dog! Ever Hear Of A German Shepherd That Bites Its Nails? Barks With A Lisp? You Say, "attack!" And He Has One. All He Does Is Piddle. He's Nothing But A Fur-covered Kidney That Barks.

Life Began On This Planet When The First Amoeba Split. Mankind Will Still Be Seeking God, Not Accepting That God Is A Spirit; Can't See It, Touch It, Only Feel It. It's Called Love.

My Mother-in-law Must Be The Probation Officer I Got For The Crime I Committed Of Marrying My Husband.