I Took My Son To Coney Island,

I Went To A Freak Show And They Let Me In For Nothing.

My Wife Has To Be The Worst Cook. I've Got The Only Dog Who Begs For Alka-seltzer.

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.