I Think We Need A 12-step Group

The Problem With Cats Is That They Get The Exact Same Look On Their Face Whether They See A Moth Or An Axe-murderer.

I Used To Watch 'the Waltons' And Sob Because My Family Was Nothing Like That. We Had A Cruel Sense Of Humor In My Family.

I Have A Very Silly Sense Of Humor. I've Never Laughed Harder In My Entire Life Than Seeing Someone With Toilet Paper Stuck On The Bottom Of Their Shoe.

My Mom Said She Learned How To Swim When Someone Took Her Out In The Lake And Threw Her Off The Boat. I Said, 'mom, They Weren't Trying To Teach You How To Swim.'

The Pleasure Of The Mulch Pile Is Incomprehensible. I Wouldn't Care If They Just Hauled The Mulch To The Landfill Somewhere. Obviously, Grass Clippings Are Biodegradable, But When They're Bunched Together At The Landfill, They Become Badly Influenced By Other Garbage.