I Tell Very Mean Jokes.

I Love Austin, But Last Time I Was In Town For Twelve Hours. I Was Exhausted, Drunk And Miserable. But None Of That Was Austin's Fault.

Mike Tyson, What Can I Say About You That Hasn’t Already Been The Title Of A Richard Pryor Album?

I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex Doll. Brand New.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.

Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra. I Swear, I Almost Puked From Eating So Many.