When I Die, I Want To Be

I Loved Stephen Wright, And I Loved Mitch Hedberg, But They Seemed Like Geniuses You Could Never Emulate. You'd Just Be Ripping Them Off.

I Was Always Fascinated By Forbidden Things People Didn't Want To Talk About, Like Death.

I Have A Rare Form Of Body Dysmorphia In Which I Absolutely Can't Stand How Good I Look.

I Love Pittsburgh. Most Of My Family Still Lives There And I Try To Get Back A Couple Of Times A Year.

In The Second Grade, I Would Just Get Bored And A Joke Would Pop Into My Head And I Would Have To Say It. It Was Almost Like I Had Some Brilliant Novel In My Head That I Had To Get Down, And I Would Interrupt Class All The Time And Get In Trouble.