When I Die, I Want To Be

Every Comic Went Through Their Mitch Hedberg Phase - The Glasses, The Hair In The Face - And You Knew Immediately When They Were Doing It.

People Are Surprised That I'm Nice And It Helps Me Out A Little Bit; It's Easy To Be Nice When Everyone Thinks You're Going To Be A Jerk But If People Think You're A Nice Guy Then It's Tough Because It's What They Expect.

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.

My Ex-girlfriend Owned A Parakeet…oh My God, That F**king Thing Would Never Shut Up. But The Bird Was Cool.

I Was Always Cutting Words. I Even Would Write My Jokes In My Notebook. I Still Do This, Almost Like A Poem.