When I Die, I Want To Be

My Dad Was A Complicated Man. He Was A Huge Racist, My Dad, But He Still Tried To Be A Good Father, You Know? Like, He Would Tell Me That Santa Claus Was Black - That Way, When I Found Out He Didn't Exist, It Wouldn't Be That Big A Let Down.

I've Spent The Past Two Years Looking For My Ex-girlfriend’s Killer… But No One Will Do It.

What Do They Call That Hat Jewish Guys Always Wear? A Yankees Cap.

I Would Never Hit A Woman - Even If She Had A Knife Or A Stutter.

About A Month Ago Some Kids In My Neighborhood Were Playing Hide-and-go-seek And One Of Them Ended Up In An Abandoned Refrigerator. It's All Anybody Talked About For Weeks. I Said, 'who Cares? How Many Kids You Know Get To Die A Winner?