I Still Don't Know How To Cook

Christmas Is A Stocking Stuffed With Sugary Goodness.

Irony Is The Disparity Between What You Expect Will Happen, And What Does Happen. So Raining On Your Wedding Day Isn't Ironic, It's Just Crappy. It Would Have Been Ironic If She Had Lived In A Place Like Seattle, And Traveled To The Desert Of Mexico For A Wedding And It Ended Up Raining There, But Not In Seattle. Alanis Always Gets The Last Laugh Though. We All Sit Here, Saying Her Song Isn't Ironic, But In Fact, That's Pretty Ironic That She Wrote A Song Called Ironic That Wasn't Really Ironic. Those Canadians Are Pretty Crafty.

As The Great Philosopher George Santayana Would Have Said, 'those Who Cannot Remember The Past . . . Should Simply Read Jan Van Meter's Tippecanoe And Tyler Too.' Van Meter's Greatest Hits Collection Of Slogans Is The Catchiest Ever Retelling Of American History. It's Like The Greatest Minds Of Madison Avenue Sat Down To Write A History Book. They Don't Make Sound Bites Like They Used To!

Think Of All That Hard Work Our Founding Fathers Put In - The Revolutionizing, The Three-fifths Compromising, Having To Write The Entire Constitution With A Quill - And Yet They Neglected To Include The Right To Vote.

When It Comes To War, We Focus More On The Mainstream Coverage Of The Event, Rather Than The Event Itself. People Dying Is Never Funny. Protest Puppets Are Always Funny.