I Have The Perfect Simplified Tax Form

The Older You Get, The Tougher It Is To Lose Weight, Because By Then Your Body And Your Fat Are Really Good Friends.

Everybody Is Afraid They Won't Have Any Money After They Die, But Jack Benny Discovered A Way To Take It With Him. He Had His Appendix Taken Out And A Piggy Bank Put In.

Eighty Is When You Order A Steak And The Headwaiter Puts It Through The Blender. Or When You Wake Up As Many Times During The Night As Burt Reynolds, But Not For The Same Reason.

I Have This Terrific Make-up Man. But He's Expensive. I Have To Bring Him In From Lourdes.

You Know You're Getting Old When The Candles Cost More Than The Cake.