I Have Nothing Against Dogs. I Just

Keep At Least One Window Pane Clean To Check The Weather. Once When I Didn't Do This I Sent The Kids Off With Umbrellas For Six Weeks Straight.

I Love To Go To The Doctor. Where Else Would A Man Look At Me And Say, 'take Off Your Clothes'?

The Last Thing My Kids Ever Did To Earn Money Was Lose Their Baby Teeth.

They Just Elected Me Mis Phonograph Record Of 1966. They Discovered My Measurements Were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

I Finally Had A Ship Tattooed To My Chest. I Wanted Something On It.