I Have No Grand Scheme.

I Smoke So Much. Three Packs A Day... I Went To The Bathroom, A Camel Came Out Of My Ass.

I've Never Had A Surprise Birthday Party. I've Had Every Other Type Of Surprise. I've Had Surprise Beatings, Surprise Drug Tests, Surprise Daughter I Think.

I Went Skiing Today, Too, Yeah. I Didn't Wanna Go. The Girl I'm Stalking Wanted To Go, So... I'm Not Kiddin!

Things Have Been Invented Because Of Alcohol. Like The Taser, Okay? Yeah! The Morning After Pill, Okay? The Reach-around. Judge Judy. What Has Pot Given The World? Hackey Sack? Yeah! Hilarious Ring Tones? Oh Gah! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It Sucks To Be A Champion At A Sport That Can't Get You Laid. It's An Unneeded Skill Like, I Dunno, Being The Best Banjo Player. Or A Squirter.

Once You Get Offstage You're Just Like Everyone Else, And Everyone Else Can Get Into A Fight.