I Drink Coffee With My Right Hand,

I Get Up Every Morning And Read The Obituary Column. If My Name's Not There, I Eat Breakfast.

This Is All So Exciting I've Decided To Keep Making One Movie Every 36 Years.

If I Get Big Laughs, I'm A Comedian. If I Get Little Laughs, I'm A Humorist. If I Get No Laughs, I'm A Singer.

I'd Rather Be A Flop At Show Business Than To Be A Success At Something I Didn't Like.

How Did I Ever Get Sick? I've Already Had Everything.