I Don't Know Why I Ever Come

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21 Each Than One Girl At 42.

I Didn't Squawk About The Steak, Dear. I Merely Said I Didn't See That Old Horse That Used To Be Tethered Outside Here.

Business Is An Establishment That Gives You The Legal, Even Though Unethical, Right To Screw The Naive-right, Left, And In The Middle.

I Don't Have To Attend Every Argument I'm Invited To.