I Changed The Face Of Comedy. I

I Found Out About Jonathan Winters Death A Day After It Happened. That Seems Wrong. A Talent Like His Should Be More Revered. The World Knew About Kim Kardashians Divorce Before She Did.

I Was The Class Podiatrist. I Never Made It To Class Clown. I Wasn't Funny Enough. I Would Examine Feet And Prescribe And Ointment. It Was A Sad Childhood.

Back When Jerry Seinfeld Was Just Another Comedian Hanging Around The Clubs, I'd Imitate Him To Amuse Myself And The Other Comics. The Club Owners Would Say, 'what Are You Doing That For? Nobody Knows Him.'

If I Could Cause World Peace By Taking Someone Out To Lunch, I'd Go, 'well, War Isn't That Terrible.'

I'm Used To Explaining To People Why My Jokes Were Funny.