I Can't Get No Respect.

I Haven't Spoken To My Wife In Years. I Didn't Want To Interrupt Her.

My Childhood Was Bad. No Father. Mother Was Greedy And Brought Me Up Awful - Never Made Me Breakfast Once. I Don't Want To Get Started. One Story Is Worse Than Another.

My Mother Used To Rock Me - And She Used Big Rocks.

Women My Age Just Don't Turn Me On. That's Another Problem With Getting Older. I Took Out An Older Woman The Other Night, And I Mean Old. I Told Her, Act Your Age. She Died.

Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.