I Am Not A Glutton - I

Early In My Life I Had Made A Pact With Myself. I Would Never Eat Anything That Moved When I Cooked It, Excited The Dog, Or Inflated Upon Impact With My Teeth.

When My Kids Become Wild And Unruly, I Use A Nice, Safe Playpen. When They're Finished, I Climb Out.

I Was Too Old For A Paper Route, Too Young For Social Security And Too Tired For An Affair.

Families Aren't Easy To Join. They're Like An Exclusive Country Club Where Membership Makes Impossible Demands And The Dues For An Outsider Are Exorbitant.

Crocodiles Have A Smile I've Seen On The Face Of Every Lawyer I've Ever Met.