I Adore Being Hitched. It's So Extraordinary

All Men Would Still Really Like To Own A Train Set.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

Husband: A Man Who Buys His Football Tickets Four Months In Advance And Waits Until The Day Before His Anniversary To Buy His Wife A Gift.

My Mother Is Such A Lousy Cook That Thanksgiving At Her House Is A Time Of Sorrow.

I Get So Happy When I Write A Joke. It's A Very Satisfying, Liberating Feeling.