All Men Would Still Really Like To

I'm Not Sure If My Husband Is Going To Be There When I Actually Have The Baby. He Said The Only Way He's Going To Be In The Room When There's A Delivery Is If There's A Pizza Involved.

I Never Know What To Get My Father For His Birthday. I Gave Him A Hundred Dollars And Said, 'buy Yourself Something That Will Make Your Life Easier.' So He Went Out And Bought A Present For My Mother.

When A Woman Tries On Clothing From Her Closet That Feels Tight, She Will Assume She Has Gained Weight. When A Man Tries Something From His Closet That Feels Tight, He Will Assume The Clothing Has Shrunk.

At The End Of Every Year, I Add Up The Time That I Have Spent On The Phone On Hold And Subtract It From My Age. I Don't Count That Time As Really Living. I Spend More And More Time On Hold Each Year. By The Time I Die, I'm Going To Be Quite Young.

Men Who Write Love Letters Don't Live In This Century.