Have You Seen A Copy Of Tax

John Kerry Went Duck Hunting And He's Doing That To Fulfill His Campaign Pledge To Hunt Down The Ducks And Kill Them Wherever They Are! Kerry Did Pretty Well; He Came Back With Four Ducks And Three Purple Hearts.

Obama Said They've Had Some Glitches With The Affordable Care Website. I'll Tell You Something. If You Order A Pair Of Pants Online And They Send You The Wrong Color, That's A Glitch. This Is Like A Carnival Cruise, For God's Sake!

Illinois Is The Only State Where The Present Governor Rides Around In A Car Whose License Plate Was Made By A Previous Governor.

The Creepy Stuff Was That I Have Had Sex With Women Who Worked For Me On This Show. Now, My Response To That Is Yes I Have. I Have Had Sex With Women Who Worked On This Show. Would It Be Embarrassing If It Were Made Public? Perhaps It Would, Especially For The Women.

Bill Murray Is On The Show Tonight. Next Week I'll Be Goggling 'foods That Improve Prostate Health.'