Illinois Is The Only State Where The

United Airlines: Passengers Are Our Worst Enemy. We're Not Too Fond Of Luggage Either.

The Bush Campaign For Re-election Has Officially Begun. They're Actually Running Television Commercials. Have You Seen Any Of The Television Commercials? In One Of The Commercials, You See George Bush For Thirty Seconds. In Another Commercial, You Get To See George Bush For Sixty Seconds - Kind Of Like His Stint In The National Guard.

John Kerry Went Duck Hunting And He's Doing That To Fulfill His Campaign Pledge To Hunt Down The Ducks And Kill Them Wherever They Are! Kerry Did Pretty Well; He Came Back With Four Ducks And Three Purple Hearts.

Mitt Romney Is Not Going To Be Running For President. So You Know What That Means. We Are Getting Closer And Closer To 'president Trump.'

I Think The Number One Public-relations Blunder Osama Has Made Is That He Lives In A Cave-fortress And If There's One Thing We've Learned From It's That You Can't Trust A Guy Who Lives In A Cave-fortress -- Lex Luther, Captain Nemo, Dr. Evil. I'm Telling You The List Goes On.