Obama Said They've Had Some Glitches With

Because You Think An Explosion Has Taken Place And You're Looking At The Shards And You Say, 'well, Can We Put This Back Together?' And By God, Maybe You Can Put It Back Together. And Maybe It Won't Be The Same, But Maybe It Will Be Different, And Maybe It Can Even Be Better In A Different Way.

My Good Friend Paul Shaffer And I Are Going To Continue In Show Business. Next Month Paul And I Will Debut Our New Act At Caesar's Palace With Our White Tigers.

Last Halloween I Ran Out Of Candy And I Had To Give The Kids Nicotine Gum.

Kim Jong Il Made His Staff Call Him “dear” And Spent The Day Drinking Cognac. It's Like I Have A Twin, Ladies And Gentlemen.

Now There Are Reports That Osama Bin Laden Would Like To Commit Suicide On Television. This Is The Kind Of Lead-in I Have Been Praying For Every Since I Came To Cbs. Bin Laden Is Planning A Televised Suicide Or, As I Call It, Hosting The Academy Awards.