Every Year When It's Chinese New Year

Valentine's Day Money-saving Tips: Break Up On February 13th, Get Back Together On The 15th. In Place Of Bubble Bath, Use Lavender-scented Dish-washing Liquid. Forget Rose Petals. Sprinkle The Bed With Sliced Beets!

Congratulations To Saddam Hussein On Being Elected To Another Seven-year Term. It Was Very Close. He Received 99 Percent Of The Vote, And One Percent Of The Vote Went For Last-minute Candidate Frank Lautenberg.

It Looks Like President Bush Will Be Handing Over Power To The Iraqis By June 30th. That's Amazing And Not Only That, But It Looks Like He'll Be Handing Over Power To The Democrats By November 2nd.

They Found A Cave Once Lived In By Osama Bin Laden And The Only Thing In The Cave Were Some Boxer Undershorts, And Macaroni. I'm Telling You, You Add An Old Stack Of Playboys, This Could Be My Place. It's Like I Have A Twin.

The President Met With Bp Ceo Tony Hayward, And Obama Was Demanding That Bp Clean Up The Gulf. And I'm Thinking, Good Luck. They Can't Even Clean Up Their Gas Station Restrooms.