Composers Should Write Tunes That Chauffeurs And

Great Music Is That Which Penetrates The Ear With Facility And Leaves The Memory With Difficulty. Magical Music Never Leaves The Memory.

The Trouble With Women In An Orchestra Is That If They're Attractive It Will Upset My Players And If They're Not It Will Upset Me.

When Asked Whether He Minded If Someone Smoked In A Non-smoking Compartment. Certainly Not If You Don't Object If I'm Sick.

A Soprano In Massenet's Don Quixote Complained That She Had Missed Her Entry In The Aria, "because Mr. Challiapin Always Dies Too Soon." "madam, You Must Be Profoundly In Error," Said Sir Thomas, "no Operatic Star Has Yet Died Half Soon Enough For Me."

The Bagpipes Sound Exactly The Same When You Have Finished As When You Started