Comedy Is A Camouflage For Depression.

When I Was Born ... The Doctor Came Out To The Waiting Room And Said To My Father ... I'm Very Sorry. We Did Everything We Could ... But He Pulled Through.

I Was So Ugly My Parents Had To Hang A Pork Chop Around My Neck To Get The Dog To Play With Me.

You Know You're Old When Your Family Talk About You In Front Of You. What Are We Going To Do With Pop? We Have Company Tonight.

If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong.

I Once Had A Problem ... So I Tried Group Sex. Now I Have A New Problem - Who To Thank.