As Life's Pleasures Go, Food Is Second

As Life's Pleasures Go, Food Is Second Only To Sex. Except For Salami And Eggs. Now That's Better Than Sex, But Only If The Salami Is Thickly Sliced.

You Do Live Longer With Bran, But You Spend The Last Fifteen Years On The Toilet.

One Thing I've Never Said In My Whole Life Is, 'let's Have Dinner At A Japanese Restaurant.'

Marriage Is Nature's Way Of Keeping Us From Fighting With Strangers.

That's The Great Thing About New Year's, You Get To Be A Year Older. For Me, That Wasn't Such A Joke, Because My Birthday Was Always Around This Time. When I Was A Kid, My Father Used To Tell Me That Everybody Was Celebrating My Birthday. That's What The Trees Are All About.