Anybody Who Doesn't Like This Book Is

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

In America You Can Go On The Air And Kid The Politicians, And The Politicians Can Go On The Air And Kid The People.

Next Time I See You, Remind Me Not To Talk To You.

Military Justice Is To Justice What Military Music Is To Music.

Whoever Named It Necking Was A Poor Judge Of Anatomy.