An Irishman's Wife Gave Birth To Twins.

What's The Difference Between A Rottweiler And A Poodle Peeing On Your Leg? You Let The Rottweiler Finish.

A Man Turns To The Guy Next To Him Who's Covered In Bandages From Head To Toe And Asks "what Happened?". "i Fell Through A Glass Window," Explains The Man. The First Man Says: "lucky You Were Wearing All Those Bandages."

I've Been Married To My Wife For 60 Years But It Feels Just Like Yesterday, And You Know What A Bloody Awful Day Yesterday Was.

My Uncle Jimmy Took Liver Salts Twice A Day For 40 Years. He Died On Sunday, Was Buried Wednesday And The Following Friday They Had To Go To The Cemetery To Beat His Liver To Death With A Stick.

I Said To The Waitress, "there's A Fly Swimming In My Soup." She Said: "you've Got Too Much Soup - He Should Only Be Able To Paddle."