All The Men In My Family Were

It Is Funnier To Bend Things Than To Break Them.

I Feel Like A Midget With Muddy Feet Had Been Walking Over My Tongue All Night.

Some People Are Born Losers; Others Acquire The Knack Gradually.

Trust Everybody, But Cut The Cards Yourself.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.