A Weekend In Vegas Without Gambling And

I'm Very Resilient. The Only Thing I'm Missing Right Now Are Abs.

I Once Dealt With A Prima Donna On A Movie Set. I Won't Say Who, But His First Name Is A Country. A Communist Country. Run By Fidel Castro.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

I Quit Drinking, And I Figure If I Go To Ten Yankee Games This Year Without Drinking I'll Save $32,000.