The Point Of Drinking In Moderation Is

In Hollywood, There Is Another Name For A Woman's 40th Birthday Party, It's A Retirement Party.

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

My Mother Would Say, Before I Left The House, 'remember Art, Hugs Are Better Than Drugs.' And I Believed My Mother, I Believed Everything She Said - Until The First Time I Got High At A Party. I Leaned Back, And I Went, 'god, This Is Way Better Than When My Uncle Perry Hugs Me. What Else Has My Mother Been Lying To Me About?

Everytime I Go To Vegas, I Seem To Incur Some Kind Of Fine.

Don't Do Drugs To Be Cool, Do 'em Because You Hate Yourself.