A Clown Is Like Aspirin, Only He

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

I Have A Mind To Join A Club And Beat You Over The Head With It.

Next Time I See You, Remind Me Not To Talk To You.

Be Open Minded, But Not So Open Minded That Your Brains Fall Out.

Women Should Be Obscene, Not Heard.