You're College Graduates Now, So Use Your

Never Admit That Your Back Goes Out More Than You Do

Show Business Can Be An Addiction. ... An Audience Would Laugh At Me One Night, And I Would Chase That High For Another Three Months.

I’ve Had So Much Plastic Surgery, When I Die They Will Donate My Body To Tupperware.

I Hate Housework! You Make The Beds, You Do The Dishes And Six Months Later You Have To Start All Over Again.

I Have No Sex Appeal, Which Kills Me. The Only Way I Can Ever Hear Heavy Breathing From My Husband's Side Of The Bed Is When He's Having An Asthma Attack.