You Never Want To Be The Grumpy

I Said To My Girlfriend, You Shouldn't Eat Before You Swim. She Said, "why Not"? I Said, You Look Fat.

I Saw A Charity Appeal In The Guardian The Other Day, And It Read "little Zuki Has To Walk 13 Miles A Day Just To Fetch Water". And I Couldn't Help Thinking, She Should Move.

I Don't See Myself As Offending People.

After A Gig I Always Head Back To The Hotel, Remembering Granny's Words Of Wisdom. I Cancel The Late-night Pizza And Watch The Jonathan Ross Show Instead.

I Think The Idea That Death Is Not The End, That Your Dog's Just Gone To Live On The Farm, Is Limiting. Thoughts Like That Prevent You From Making The Most Of The Time That You Have.