You Might Be A Redneck If You

I've Got Nothing Against Tattoos. I Don't Have One Myself. If I Did, It Would Be Right There Next To My Watch. It Would Say "your Wife's Birthday Is August 2nd, Your Anniversary Is September 18th, Don't Let Ron White Drive Your Car Again."

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Parakeet Knows The Phrase Open Up, Police!

You Might Be A Redneck If You Have A Very Special Baseball Cap, Just For Formal Occasions.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Had To Remove A Toothpick For Wedding Pictures.

The Things That I'm Talking About Not Knowing, They're Not Mysteries Of The Universe; It's Just Stuff I Thought I Would Know By The Time I Was Thirty-nine.