You Know You Have A Drinking Problem

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

It's Fun For Me To Couple Emotion With Comedy. I Think It Helps Comedy. I Think A Lot Of Times American Comedies Don't Play On Emotion Too Much.

You Know You're Getting Fat When Your Socks Don't Fit.

I Don't Mean To Be Gross, But The Only Time It's Good To Yell "i Have Diarrhea" Is When You're Playing Scrabble Because It's Worth A Shitload Of Points.

My Stand-up Is More Like How I Am In Real Life. I Don't Really Do A Character Thing In Stand-up. It's Just A Bunch Of Sentences That Are Supposed To Be Funny.