You Know You Are Getting Old When

Everything My Mother Made Had To Cook For 80 Hours, And When She Made Matzoh Balls She Didn't Know Fluffy. Everything Sank.

Modesty Is Not One Of My Virtues.

You Do Live Longer With Bran, But You Spend The Last Fifteen Years On The Toilet.

I Don't Mind Being 65, But Nobody Is Gonna Tell Me To Come In At 5:30 To Have The Early Bird Special.

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.