You Know You Are Getting Old When

As Life's Pleasures Go, Food Is Second Only To Sex. Except For Salami And Eggs. Now That's Better Than Sex, But Only If The Salami Is Thickly Sliced.

Comedy Is An Amazing Calling. Once You Get That First Laugh, It's Hard To Turn Away. Then, Of Course, You're Hooked And You Have To Learn How To Survive In The Business.

If You Want To Read About Love And Marriage, You've Got To Buy Two Separate Books.

As A Parent, I'd - I'd Be A Better Father.

That's The Great Thing About New Year's, You Get To Be A Year Older. For Me, That Wasn't Such A Joke, Because My Birthday Was Always Around This Time. When I Was A Kid, My Father Used To Tell Me That Everybody Was Celebrating My Birthday. That's What The Trees Are All About.