You Know Who Wears Sunglasses Inside? Blind

If I Was Going Onstage, Of Course I Would Talk About It. How Could I Not?

I'm A Jerk, That's Who I Am. I'm Like Everybody Else.

It's Always Good To Take Something That's Happened In Your Life And Make Something Of It Comedically.

I Learned The First Night That Ihop's Not The Place To Order Fish.

I Couldn't Be Happier That President Bush Has Stood Up For Having Served In The National Guard, Because I Can Finally Put An End To All Those Who Questioned My Motives For Enlisting In The Army Reserve At The Height Of The Vietnam War.