You Know What? The Obvious Is Obvious

There's Something That Happens In That Delivery Room, When A Woman Becomes Ten Times More A Woman, And A Guy Becomes Six Times Less A Man. You Feel Really Dopey And Useless And Like A Spectator. I Did, Anyway.

My Parenting Style Could Be Described As Not Good Cop Or Bad Cop So Much As Nervous Cop. I'm Always Yelling For Somebody To Stop Because They're About To Get Hurt. I'm The Take A Jacket, Slow Down Guy.

The Most Challenging Part Of Being A Dad Is Trying To Postpone The Moment When They Realize You Don't Know Anything. I Love Any Sentence That Begins With Daddy...? Because It's Implied They're Looking Up To You - That You'll Have The Answer. The Truth Is, I Don't Have Any Answers.

New Parents Always Sound Like Hucksters In A Pyramid Scheme. Anyone Who Has Kids And Then Gets You To Go And Have Kids Gets A Check From Huckster Headquarters.

When My Son Said, "i Can't Stop Thinking About Girls," I Said, "that's Not Gonna Stop. Congratulations. You're In The Club. From Now Until The Day You Die, One Way Or Another You'll Be Thinking About Girls.