New Parents Always Sound Like Hucksters In

There Was A Period Where Our Child's Birth Was Getting Really Close, And We Still Had Nothing. We Were Dangerously Close To Calling Him Untitled Baby Project.

A Friend Told Me To Listen To My Heart. Another Friend Told Me To Listen To My Gut. Maybe I Need An Autopsy, Because Right Now My Colon Is Kind Of Iffy.

So Where Did These Cravings Come From? I Concluded It's The Baby Ordering In. Prenatal Takeout. Even Without Ever Being In A Restaurant, Fetuses Develop Remarkably Discerning Palates, And They Are Not Shy About Demanding What They Want. If They Get A Hankering, They Just Pick Up The Umbilical Cord And Call. 'you Know What Would Taste Good Right Now? A Cheeseburger, Large Fries, And A Vanilla Shake. And If You Could, Hurry It Up, Because I'm Supposed To Grow A Lung In A Half Hour.'

When You Realize You Would Consider Not Having A Child Just So You Could Take An Occasional Snooze And Be Available To See Batman Retires The Same Weekend It Comes Out, You Have To Take A Good Hard Look At Yourself And Acknowledge, I Am A Shallow, Shallow Person.

Having A Baby Dragged Me, Kicking And Screaming, From The World Of Self-absorption.