You Don't Get Married To Get Sex.

Women In Bed Are Like Diesel Engines. What I Mean By That Is, It May Take Them A While To Get Going, But When You Do, They Can Go For A Long, Long Time. Whereas Men Are Like... Bottle Rockets.

If Your Neighbors Think You're A Detective Because A Cop Always Brings You Home, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If Your Kids Are Going Hungry Tonight Because You Just Had To Have Those Yosemite Sam Mud Flaps.

As A Comic, You Learn To Use Your Voice Because You Don't Have The Benefit Of Visual Things.

If You Don't Have Anything Good To Say About Someone, You Must Be Talking About Hillary Clinton.