You Can't Teach An Old Hater New

You Need To Open Up Your Soul And Have A Weep-a-thon.

I Did Stand-up Comedy For Seventeen Years. I Need To Explore Other Things.

When I'm Wrong I'm Like The Emperor On The Death Star Thinking He'll Turn Luke. Yet, When I'm Right I'm A Jedi Like My Father Before Me.

I'm Watching Some Television Tonight. I'm Watching The Discovery Channel. You Know, This Channel, You Never Ever Plan On Watching This. It Just Happens. You're Flickin' Around, All Of A Sudden - Boom - You're Watching A Mole For An Hour-and-a-half.

If You Live Far Away From A Person You No Longer Want To Date Just Let Them Know That They Are Geographically Undesirable.