You Can't Be Happy That Fire Cooks

Whatever Your Pleasure, I Can Facilitate. You Need Weed, You Need Meth - Hey, You Need Prozac, I'm Your Man. I Know How You White Boys Always Deal With That Depression. I Mean Me Personally, I Don't Understand What You White Boys Are All Depressed About. Hey, You're White! Smile!

Men Do Not Settle Down. Men Surrender.

Nobody Ever Says, 'hey Daddy, Thanks For Knockin' Out This Rent.' 'hey Daddy, I Sure Love This Hot Water.' 'hey Daddy, It's Easy To Read With All This Light.' Nobody Give A Fk About Dads!

So, To Say Obama Is Progress Is Saying That He’s The First Black Person That Is Qualified To Be President. That’s Not Black Progress. That’s White Progress. There’s Been Black People Qualified To Be President For Hundreds Of Years. The Question Is, You Know, My Kids Are Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Children. There Have Been Smart, Educated, Beautiful, Polite Black Children For Hundreds Of Years. The Advantage That My Children Have Is That My Children Are Encountering The Nicest White People That America Has Ever Produced. Let’s Hope America Keeps Producing Nicer White People.

I'm Pretty Good At Getting Over People Throwing Stuff At Me. If You've Been Doing Stand Up Long Enough You Know How To Swing Back And Get The Laughs.