Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As

Don't Commit Suicide, Because You Might Change Your Mind Two Weeks Later.

When I Got To The Hospice I Was Under The Impression It Would Be A Two- Or Three-week Stay. But Here I Still Am, Six Weeks Later, And I've Gotten So Well Medicare Won't Pay For Me Anymore.

Over The Years I Have Met A Lot Of Important People, But No One As Important As Elvis Presley.

I Can Now Say Without Hesitation The Marine Corps Was The Best Foster Home I Ever Had.

Writers Are Funny About Reviews: When They Get A Good One They Ignore It-- But When They Get A Bad Review They Never Forget It. Every Writer I Know Is The Same Way: You Get A Hundred Good Reviews, And One Bad, Andyou Remember Only The Bad. For Years, You Go On And Fantasize About The Reviewer Who Didn't Like Your Book; You Imagine Him As A Jerk, A Wife-beater, A Real Ogre. And, In The Meantime, The Reviewer Has Forgotten All About The Whole Thing. But, Twenty Years Later, The Writer Still Remembers That One Bad Review.