Wrap The Turkey Up In Aluminum Foil

Like Every Other Rich Asshole, I Have A Cook And He's In My Trailer Making Food All The Time.

The Only Reason I Got Into Stand-up Was Because My Brother Told Me To. I Had No Idea What I Was Going To Do With My Life. I Was 17 And My Brother Went To A Comedy Club And He Said - You Can Do That.

Never Seen My Friends Do More Push-ups, Trying To Challenge Cruises' Manhood. It Was Like, I Can Be Strong, Too!

Now That I'm A Parent, I Understand Why My Father Was In A Bad Mood A Lot.

I Think I'm Playing Grown Up Because I Have Kids Now. But I Don't Feel Grown Up Yet.