Women Should Be Obscene, Not Heard.

If You Find It Hard To Laugh At Yourself, I Would Be Happy To Do It For You.

Budget: A Way Of Going Broke Methodically

No, Groucho Is Not My Real Name. I Am Breaking It In For A Friend. I Never Forget A Face, But In Your Case I'll Be Glad To Make An Exception. I Find Television Very Educating. Every Time Somebody Turns On The Set, I Go Into The Other Room And Read A Book. I Have Had A Perfectly Wonderful Evening, But This Wasn't It. I Didn't Like The Play, But Then I Saw It Under Adverse Conditions - The Curtain Was Up.

Making Love To Your Wife Is Like Shooting At Sitting Ducks.

If You're Not Having Fun, You're Doing Something Wrong.